Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Sext me about skeletons
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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