i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
