i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
