I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
