after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
