It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He? As in you personified your dick?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
