Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
