Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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