i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
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We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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