Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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