Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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