it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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