at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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