You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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