The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
