my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
