did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
