Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
