He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
