I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
This house was built for laser tag.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
