the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
