he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
