We won't sleep together?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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