I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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