soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
