and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
