what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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