Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
