we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
