So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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