Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i came on her dog
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
