please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
