she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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