there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
