Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
