We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
