.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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