obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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