3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
