jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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