I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
