and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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