I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
