Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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