Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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