i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My feet surprised me
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