the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
We are all done wearing pants today
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
