remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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