HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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