OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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