looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
