Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
