Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
