we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
