Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
