Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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