I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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