i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
