she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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