i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
