You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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