i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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