I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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