dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
