just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
