Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize