If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
is this the sara with the beer cane?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
