I'm lost and stupid without you.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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